A beautiful, cold day! The sun is shining, the sky is robin's egg blue. The temperature must be in the upper 30's right now, but it feels colder to me because my body has grown accustomed to the warmer weather of the last few days.

My last post certainly wasn't as happy as today's weather! Many times, writing helps me to understand what is going on inside my head. I may have an undefinable feeling that bugs me, and writing about it helps me pin-point what that emotion is so that I can figure out what to do about it. That post acknowleded some feelings and frustrations that I had been hiding even from myself.

I am not overwhelmed by fear or worry, but every once in a while I run into a twinge of it. So far, when I've encountered that twinge, I've stuffed it away (hence the Tupperware analogy) to be ignored or thought about later. But then the later never seems to come. I felt like I wasn't taking the time to address those twinges and move on to a better relationship with God. As a result, my container slowly filled with bits and pieces of anxious thoughts which I had never completed before shoving them away.

A feeling of unease, of discontent, of something looming began to grow. It was the Tupperware, needing to be burped. Actually, it needed more than burping: the stuff in it needed to be scraped into the garbage disposal and the container scrubbed out for a better purpose, but I hadn't taken the time to fully acknowledge what I would find in the container.

Writing that post helped me not to identify the moldy ingredients, but to realize that I even owned a container full of something bad for me. That night during my time with God, I talked with Him about it. I acknowledged that I had a container full of still unidentified sin, and then I asked Him what I should do about it.

In my meandering through the Bible, I am at the end of Psalms, so I opened my Bible to Psalm 146 where my book-marker sat, and started reading. The first sentence read, "Praise the Lord." A tiny smile edged the corners of my mouth, and I thought, That's not the right answer. So I flipped ahead to Psalm 147; it said, "Praise the Lord." Psalm 148 said, "Praise the Lord." This was getting funny, and I chuckled to myself. I decided to flip a page or two backwards. Psalm 144 said, "Praise be to the Lord."

Okay, God, I'm getting the point! Do ALL of these chapters say "Praise the Lord"? I looked at Psalm 145; it said "I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever." Hee-hee! So what do I do with this container of feelings? Do I need to air them out and examine them all? Do I need some deep theological way to get rid of them?

God brought a very peaceful answer to my mind:
"Cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you." ~First Peter 5:7.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." ~Matthew 11:28-30.

I didn't need to examine them all. I didn't need to analyze. I just needed to hand the unopened Tupperware to my God. He knew what to do with it.

(And besides, His nose is much stronger than mine is, so He can take the awful smells that come out of those containers.)

My mom had thousands of Tupperware dishes when I was a kid, and I used to enjoy putting the lids on just right, and then "burping" them to get the extra air out of the bowl. Burping was a term used in our house, I don't know if that's the official terminology for what we did: securely seal the lid, then lift just one tiny corner of the lid off of the bowl's rim while gently pushing down on the center of the lid to force more of the trapped air out of the bowl, then tightly re-sealing the lid so that nothing could leak out.

I catch myself "burping" my own plastic containers still. Habit? Maybe. But I enjoy the feeling that everything is secure. Everything is sealed and in it's place.

Now that Jeremy has lost his job, I seem to be stuffing many things into my personal Tupperware bowl: sins like doubt, insecurity, fear, worry; annoyances like days that are no longer running according to my pre-set schedule; inconveniences like not buying salad dressing or paper towels or some personal care items that I have gotten used to. I stuff all of those things into my big Tupperware container, and I seal the lid so that they are out of the way, packed only into the back corner of my mind. I don't see them;I don't smell them; I don't acknowledge them.

But the lid on that container is starting to bulge. Maybe those items are rotting and the air in the container is expanding?

This blog post is a tiny burp. I've lifted the lid just a bit, and some of the smell is leaking out. I haven't lifted it to clean the bowl out, though. I'm only letting the extra air out so that the lid will reseal snugly, and I will be able to store the container in the back for a while again.

Truthfully? I know this is not the right way to deal with this. But I don't feel prepared to do anything else, yet. Maybe if life would slow down. Maybe if I had some time alone. Maybe...

Those are just excuses, and I know it. What is the issue here? Fully rely on God. My head knows that. I think I'm doing that. Then why is this container sitting here?

I haven't blogged recently. Not because I don't want to...I long to, but every time I sit down at my keyboard, I feel all blocked up inside.

I have several stories to write. I know what I want to say. I've even tried to type them out, but for some reason the words don't come out right.

I'm learning that my story-telling ability doesn't come from me. It is completely God's, and He can give and take away as He sees fit. I'm sure He will give it back...I hope He will give it back. I miss it.

Strangely enough, this is the first post in the last two weeks that has easily poured from my fingertips without me even thinking about it. I didn't know what I was going to write when I sat down here, but this is what God has given me.

I want to cry over my inability to write, but instead, I will praise Him. Because he ALWAYS does what is best for me.

And now, maybe, I'll go cry, too.

I must pass on to you the most important email that I have ever received. It came this morning from my sister Charity.

Now that you have the wonderful world of Internet at your home, I thought it would be nice to share some valuable information with you. You may already know this, but if you don't, I think you would be pleased to know that www.literaturelibrary.net is a site where you can read books online by some of YOUR favorite authors and some authors you've never heard of, I'm sure. Its all free, and you don't have to sign up or log in or anything. Right now I am reading Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery.

I love you and hope to save you late fees at the library,
Chari

Now, let's have a moment of silence in honor of Chari's genius-ness.