Showing posts with label Just Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Just Me. Show all posts

The photo prompt for January 12th is I Am Here

Jeremy took the girls to dance class this afternoon for me, so I could have a few hours to myself.  Yay! 

I ran errands: returned library books, hit up the post office, filled my van’s gas tank, called the vet about Glory’s infected tooth, got my tires filled at Jiffy Lube. You know, all those relaxing Day Off things.  Now, I’m getting my hair done.  Who knows what I may get up to next?!  Watch out world!

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In church today our pastor has started a new series preaching through Acts.  My friends and I are super duper excited about it because we’ve been reading through Luke and Acts together in our Bible Study, and we’ve been yearning for the Spirit to fill and move our church like that.  I went to the second service, and you should have seen the texts flying between us all between services, started by the people who went to the first service!  It was so fun!

While I sat in the service, God said some specific things to me, and then I prayed some specific prayers back to Him.  I prayed tentatively at first, unsure if what I was asking was what I should be asking, but God confirmed it in my spirit, so I asked a little bolder again, and then the enormity of God’s goodness and graciousness to me overwhelmed me, and I began weeping.  

I still slightly wondered if I weren’t maybe overstepping my bounds by such bold requests even though God has already approved them to me.  While I was still wondering this to myself and to God, someone stepped up behind me, put a hand on my back, and began speaking firmly, “He is FOR YOU; He is FOR you; He is FOR you and your family and your children for generations.”  That is when I knew for sure the bold requests I was requesting had been completely approved by God, and HE was commissioning me into a new area of service for Him. 

Afterwards, I turned around and asked the lady behind me if that had been her hand on my back and her voice declaring firmly in my ear.  She affirmed that it was, and said she had never done anything like that before, but just felt an immense pressure that she was supposed to do this for me.  To tell me repeatedly that God was for me, and to bless me that way.  At first she resisted, but then couldn’t resist anymore and just HAD to.  I am so glad she obeyed the prompting of the Holy Spirit in her!

This was extra special to me because previously I had reached out to spiritual mentors in my life with questions about this new calling I believe I have been receiving, and none of them had responded.  God showed me in church this morning that HE commissions me, not people.  HE has anointed me for this purpose, and HE has sealed my life with HIS approval for HIS work.  Bold requests are a part of the new work He has for me to do.

I am excited to see how He accomplishes the two specific items He put on my heart to request.  I am delighted to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! 😃

Also, since it is January 2nd, my photo theme is “this is me.”  So here’s my pic.

I considered moving the throw pillows off the back of the easy chair before taking the selfie, but that would have been too much work, and I was feeling quite content and relaxed at the moment.  Happy Missy. 😊

For several years now, I have been part of a group of people who challenge themselves to take a photo each day based on a certain theme, and I thought I’d take the challenge a bit further and maybe try to blog about that theme each day as well.  We’ll see how far I go with that.

Here is January’s challenge calendar.


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Photo-A-Day Challenge for August 9 "I" - I am struggling.



I hit my head July 22nd on a child-sized porta-potty at the St. Joe Pickle Festival (which makes an awesome story, by the way; I was the talk of the hospital).  That was 19 days ago.  I've now been diagnosed with Post Concussion Syndrome/Traumatic Brain Injury.  They say it could last a few months, a year, or possibly permanently.

What does that mean for me?

I am unable to take care of my kids.  In the first few days after it happened, I got lost driving in my own small town.  I put naked food into the oven without using a pan and then burned myself by reaching in an hour later to get it out without oven mitts.  I crashed my car into stationary objects and then sat in the driver's seat and laughed hysterically, scaring my children.

I was taken to the emergency room in the middle of the night a week after I hit my head because my daughters ran outside to tell the neighbors Mommy needed help.  Jeremy had been traveling before, during, and after my bump, so he had never witnessed any of my symptoms.  I don't recall telling him about them, either.  I wasn't really communicating well.  My brain had stopped complete thoughts and sentences by that time.  In fact, it's only been this week that I've begun communicating again, and look at me now!  An entire post full of complex sentences and correctly spelled words.  (Hopefully.)  We won't mention how long it has taken to get it all written and spelled right.  At least I can do my own editing now!  Today is turning into a good day.  This morning was rough though.

I joked with my mom that I have Numbers Tourette's.  At the hospital they kept asking me what my birthday was, and numbers just bubbled out of my mouth every time.  Once I remember saying, "7-7-7-7-7-7-12!"  I had heard myself stuck on seven, and in trying to force the sevens to stop coming out, I popped out a twelve.  Who knows where that came from!  I still get words mixed up, or completely lose all my thoughts and am unable to speak entirely.  That last is extra annoying when it happens in the middle of a conversation with someone.  Other times I have so many thoughts that they overwhelm me, and I can't remember how to get them to come out of my mouth.  I had been crying whenever that happened, but I'm learning to just sit quietly or go somewhere to be alone so I can focus on just one thought.  Once I have it, I can come back out and push a few of those words out of my mouth.  Thankfully, my mom and Jeremy and I have played enough Taboo and Password and Finish Lines over the years that they can usually guess what I'm trying to communicate.  See?  Playing games as a family pays off!  I also get syllables inside words mixed up like forbe instead of before that auto-correct turns into Forbes.  :-)  But I came up with a pun last night!  It popped into my head out of nowhere, so I assume something in my head had been secretly mulling it over since the idea was planted a day before.  That's encouraging.

Then there are discouraging times.  I am unable to dress myself.  Picking out clothes stresses my brain too much.  Too many decisions.  And then figuring out how to put them on is overwhelming.  So Jeremy dresses me.  My mom cooks for me.  My kids help me color.  I struggle to pick out the colors, but I can stay in the lines if they tell me what color to use.  It's all very humiliating for a girl who likes to think I'm good at taking care of people and planning situations.  Well, not any more.

Involuntary processes have been affected as well.  My heart is out of rhythm.  Sometimes I'm gasping for breath even though I'm not low on oxygen.  My chest aches and my entire body feels "off."  That's the worst one, I guess.  The others are just annoying.  I am unable to fall asleep.  My brain seems to be on high alert at all times.  It knows something bad happened, and I pretend it is standing guard to keep something bad from happening again.  I can't seem to convince it that it's safe to sleep.  I am also unable to regulate my body temperature.  My internal heater thinks I'm cold, so it ramps up my body temp until I'm boiling.  Then a little later it thinks I'm hot, so it kindly goes into overdrive attempting to cool me off.  Seriously annoying.  I feel perpetually sunburned.

During the day, my emotions are usually even keel and upbeat with a few exceptions, but at night things change for me.  The lights in the house go out and the people in the house sleep peacefully.  I lie (lay?) in my bed -- trying.   I close my eyes.  I stay still in the dark.  My body heats and cools and heats and cools ad nauseam.  My heart pounds.  My brain has zero thoughts or 50 million thoughts all at once.  I gasp for air.  I try to find a comfortable position.  A couple nights while roaming the house, I found my cell phone that has been confiscated, and my non-processing brain automatically picked it up and started texting people.  This annoys my poor husband and mother who have been charged with Keeping Melissa Safe.  I'm not very good at Safe.

One night I opened my eyes and I saw light gray skies through my curtains, so I stumbled outside in my pajamas.  Oh, that's another thing.  My balance is off as well.  I thought I could take a walk to calm my brain, but that didn't turn out very well.  I sneaked out the back door since the front door squeaks, and I didn't want to disturb anyone else who was capable of sleep.  I couldn't walk east because the rising sun hurt my eyes, so I walked south.  But the road ends pretty quickly into a farm field south of us, so I didn't get a good long walk in like I had hoped, and - surprise to me - I am not very good at walking any more.  One more thing to cross off my list of calming mechanisms available to me.  (I can't take a bath or shower without help either because I can't determine if the water temperature is safe.)  In disappointment at my own inabilities, I returned home.  But the front door was locked, and I couldn't figure out how to get back inside.  After some confusion, I eventually curled up on my front porch with my back to the sun.  And that's where Jeremy found me a few hours later.  VeeVee was crying and screaming, "Mommy!" in terror.  Not a happy ending.

They made me promise not to leave the house at night, but I HATE being cooped up inside all the time.  I spend most of my days on the front or back porches now, and sometimes people take me for slow, discouraging walks.  I like to be free in my mind and my movement, and neither are free right now.  I feel so bound up.  The other night at 3:04 in the morning, the full, silvery moon beckoned me from my bed, and I stood at the back patio door, my forehead leaning against the cool, smooth glass.  My hands fingered the latch; my heart longed to float outside in the moonlight, in the peaceful stillness of the quiet night, watching the mist lying across the top of the pond like a lover.  Instead, I remembered my promise, and I stood there staring.  It was 4:37 when I looked at the clock again and decided I should quit standing there.  That's the longest I've stood unassisted since my injury, so I suppose that should be an encouragement, but it didn't feel so.

Who am I?

- I am a wife who cannot dress herself.  My man makes me laugh by picking out lingerie for me to wear and teasing me that maybe he'll just not pick out anything this morning since he enjoys the view too much.  (I should be grateful for his silliness and patience and kindness to me, and I am.)
- I am a mother of young children who are better at babysitting me than I am of them.  (I should be grateful that my children are capable of babysitting me.  I guess I've done my job well.  I just didn't expect it to end so soon.)
- I am a grown woman who needs her mother to cook and clean and keep house.  (I should be grateful for family members who care enough to stop their lives and enter mine and for a wonderful relationship with my mom, and I am.)
- I am a friend who sometimes cannot understand what is being said in conversations, who usually cannot express all that I am thinking and feeling, who frequently cannot contribute to the laughter and humor even though I am enjoying it all.  (I should be grateful for amazing friends who still like me and value being around me and sitting on unusually quiet phone calls with me, and I am.)
- I am a member of several planning committees and teaching teams who has nothing of value to contribute any more and who cannot even attend meetings or fulfill my obligations.  (I should be grateful for their flexibility and understanding of my situation, and I am.)

All of that genuine gratefulness doesn't cover up the fact that I am grieving who I used to be, and figuring out who I am now.  Even though I understand that most of these - possibly all of these - symptoms are temporary, it doesn't make this current waiting time easier, and it doesn't change the fact that I'm grieving and asking God to show me how to cope with my changed circumstances.  I still want to be a person who glorifies and praises God.  Because He is still very, very Good.  Circumstances cannot change His character, and I choose not to allow circumstances to change my character either, except for the better.  But change is always a painful process.  Yesterday, Liberty cuddled up next to me and quietly said, "I miss you, Momma."  "I miss me, too, honey," I smiled at her and squeezed her tightly against me.


Except, a thought strikes me just now:  who I am is not summed up in what I can do or what I can offer.  When I was a newborn, I was still me.

So who am I?

- I am God's creation.  Damaged, yes, but still His.  And still valuable because He values me.  Hmmm
It's been a while, hasn't it?  Maybe three years?

I had a newborn and quite a bit of intensity three years ago and realized it was better for me and anyone reading if I just stayed quiet.  But God has brought us to a breathing space and set my feet on high places.  "And don't it feel good!"

My fingers have been itching to blog again, and funny kids have been saying hysterical things, and the thoughts!  All the thoughts!  I'm very curious to find out if I will end up having time to blog regularly, or if this is just a flash of fun for tonight only.

Stay tuned along with me!  :-)
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Happy June everybody!  Only two days left until our baby girl is visible to the naked eye!  (I don't count today; then there's Monday and Tuesday, and I don't count Wednesday because we have to be at the hospital by 5:30 IN THE MORNING.  I won't even have the mental capability of counting that early anyway, so Wednesday is definitely out.  Therefore: only TWO days until our baby is born!!!)

WHOOP!  WHOOP!

I'm determined to finish that challenge from way back in March, so, ahem, I now present to you the JUNE CHALLENGE!  I'm on day 27, lucky you.  We're close to being finished.

Day 27 wants me to tell you about three online friends whom I have never met.  I'm not big on online friendships.  At least, I didn't think I was until I considered this question.  Last year, when I weeded out my facebook friends - who were only people I know in real life - I had a few rules.  1. The ones I kept were family.  2. Or friends whom I interacted with through facebook on a regular basis.  If there was no regular interaction, they were weeded out - not because I didn't like them, but because there was no reason for me to keep them as a name on a list.  That's when I realized something that surprised me:  I did have a few "online friends" in my facebook list whom I had never met.  Somehow, my online vs. real life lines have blurred. 

So, who have I never met but feel like I have?  Let me tell you. 

1.  Tiffany from In Pursuit.  I've told this story before on my blog, but way back in 2006 or 2007 when I was still new at blogging, I clicked the "next" button at the top of my page.  It took me to someone else's blog.  I read a few posts, and then clicked "next" again.  Several blogs later, I ran into Tiffany's and enjoyed what she had to say.  Back then her blog had a different name.  In fact, she's been through a few names and genres.  When I first "met" her, she was single and hoping to start college.  Now she is married and a model/professional photographer among other revenue enhancersThe Farmbell which hooks up local food growers and raisers to local consumers.  (Which I am totally thrilled over.  I can't wait for his site to grow big enough that it affects MY area!)  Through it all, Tiff's heart to follow God in her everyday life shone and enticed me.  I don't remember this, but at some point, I must have been brave enough to stop stalking and start commenting, and she began reading and commenting back on my posts.  One thing led to another.  We emailed each other through some difficult times.  We prayed for each other through ups and downs.  I feel like I have met her.  She even mailed me a present from her Etsy shop (back when she had an Etsy shop) just because I seemed down.  See?  That's the kind of friend she is. 
.  She and her husband, Mike, have bought and renovated their own home, and Mike has recently started a website called

2. Donette from Our Corner of the World who rarely posts anymore, but I still love her!  I'm trying to remember how we "met."  I'm pretty sure it was through the blog posts of a girl named Callie who went to the same college I did.  I then started reading Gretchen's blog, because Gretchen commented on Callie's blog, and then I read Donette's because Donette commented on Gretchen's.  Did you follow all that?  Because it might not have been like that at all.  I don't remember.  I no longer read either Callie or Gretchen, but somehow, Donette and I became friends.  We went through some similar life experiences around the same times (switching over to more natural food, baby experiences, family things, and right now a desire to garden/landscape combined with a serious lack of knowledge), and we enjoy similar thought patterns.  Just like with Tiff, Donette and I have emailed and prayed for each other quite a bit, and somehow we became facebook friends.  I really don't know how that happened because we are both very careful about letting "strangers" into our lives, but I sure am glad.  She'd be hard to stay in touch with otherwise!  :-)

3.  Beth from Beth's By Grace.  Let's see.  Beth and I "met" in quite an interesting fashion.  My parents were very good friends (in real life) of a couple named Roger and Sheryl when I was a child.  We spent quite a few evenings at each others' houses, and I played with their children.  After a few years, our families moved to different states but always kept a warm spot in our hearts for each other.  Our lovely Sheryl has since gone home to Heaven, and Roger married Beth.  Now, you all know how facebook is.  It suggested a few years ago that I become friends with someone named Roger, and when I followed the link I discovered it was our old family friend!  Hooray!  Roger and I did friend each other on facebook, and that's how I began communicating with his wife Beth.  Well.  Beth and I, our hearts beat the same, you know?  We laugh at the same things.  We cry at the same things.  We pray at the same things.  We're kindred spirits with the same extremely quirky sense of humor (which comes in mighty handy).  Someday, I am going to meet Beth for real - we only live two hours from each other - but in the meantime, I just love reading her status updates and blog posts, and laughing together over all the fun and tragic complexities of life.
I saw a woman the other day.  She was about my age, in her early thirties.  She hobbled slowly as she walked because she was probably close to eight and a half months pregnant.  I saw her take a step and wince, one hand putting pressure on her lower back, presumably trying to alleviate an angry sciatic nerve in her left leg.  She wore a wrinkled turquoise maternity top and stained khaki shorts - most likely because the waistband on those shorts was the only waistband left in her closet that fits around her tummy.  Her brown hair hung limply waving of its own accord in various directions.  Her bangs were pulled back with a metal barrette away from her face in an unflattering way.  I wondered if her pregnancy hormones were getting the best of her wayward bangs, too, thus prompting the desperate barrette move.  Another glance at her face confirmed this presumption on my part because I noticed a large red zit to the left of her chin.  Yep.  Score another point for the hormones.  Poor lady.  She looked miserable and downhearted.

I wondered if waiting the final weeks for her baby's arrival was causing her a slight depression the way it does for me?  I've never been good at waiting.  I wondered if she felt as unattractive and unnecessary as I do?  Eight and a half months of inability will do that to a person's psyche. 

As I watched her attempting to put on a brave front and walk without too much wincing, an older gentleman approached her from the opposite direction.  He glanced at her face as he approached, and she glanced at his.  She halfway smiled/grimaced at him while once again her left foot touched the floor.  She self-consciously took her hand from her back and held it loosely at her side, attempting to look normal.  Then her smile brightened perceptibly.  It became genuine and lost most of the grimace.  I'm not sure what caused the change, but I wonder if it stemmed from her desire not to look so pathetic to others?  A desire to spread joy rather than misery?  Or maybe even a realization that she wasn't representing her true state of mind to someone who needed to see God with her?

Whatever the cause, it had a dramatic impact on the white-haired man.  He did a double-take just as he passed her and said, "What a beautiful smile!" 

"Thank you!" she responded.  Her voice reflected appreciation and surprise.

The two of them continued on their opposite paths.  I could no longer see his face, but the pregnant woman's reflected equal parts pleasure, surprise, and pondering.  I have no idea what she was thinking, but the misery and downheartedness I had noticed earlier was erased even though her left hand returned to supporting her back at each step.  She glanced in a nearby shop window and smiled big.  At first I thought she was checking out her own "beautiful smile" reflection, but then I realized she was smiling at two people inside the store.  I watched them.  They did not seem to know her, but one hesitantly returned the smile.

The lady passed from my sight, and I was left pondering the difference a gentleman made with four words, and the difference the lady made in her own life with her choice to truly smile despite her feelings.
Day 25 of the March May Challenge asks me to describe my location for you.  Well, that's boring.  I'm sitting at my computer, typing a blog post.  I suppose I could go into great detail about my surroundings.  But really.  I'm tired. 

I could take the assignment up to a higher plane and describe my mental location, but that's way too introspective for my mood today.  And besides, don't I do that almost every day on this blog?  That gets old!

So what other kinds of locations are there to tell you about? 

Go, go, Creative Juices.

....

It didn't work.

So...uh, how about I tell you something else.  Like...

Now, see?  I had so many posts written in my head a few weeks ago, and they were all amusing.  Speaking of amusing, I got bored on my way home from dropping the girls off at school this morning, and I started scanning through the radio stations.  I landed on one where a whiney sounding guy was singing about how sad he was that "you" were gone.  He said, "Every time I think of you, it feels like this," and he proceeded to howl mournfully into the microphone.  "Ooooooooooooooooooooooh." 

I couldn't help it.  I laughed so hard I couldn't see through the slits my eyelids had created.  The song sounded like something Liberty and Mercy would make up if they were into the dating scene.  (Which will be never.)  Thankfully, for my driving skills we were close to the end of the song, but the next song that came on caused me to cry with laughter.

I'm Sexy And I Know It

Seriously, you guys!  Who wrote this song?  A thirteen-year-old?  I've heard parts of the song before while I've been out shopping or as a montage in a cheesy movie, but I've never heard the entire thing start to finish.  Here are just some of the amazing lyrics.

I'm sexy and I know it.
(I work out.)

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, Yeah!
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah!

When I go out with no shoes and no shirt, I still get service.
I'm sexy, and I know it.
(I work out.)

Oh my goodness!  I had tears dripping down my cheeks!  Forget about who wrote the song.  I want to know what major recording studio decided it was good enough to be made into a real song and then broadcast to people who might accidentally hear it on the radio? 

Has anyone ever paid cash to own that song?

Um, never mind.  Strike that last question, because I know people who have paid cash to own The Pants Song by Five Iron Frenzy.  See lyrics below.

Aieee....I love my pantalones.
They fit me oh so tight.
They make me smile with delight.
Do you.....?

(Track 10 - Easy Listening style)
I'll never forget when I saw you standin' there wearin' pants.

You were all alone, and I thought to myself "Man I wish I had those pants!"
But the problem was
Those wearn't my pants.
I dunno whose pants they are
But I want 'em.
I only know that I want 'em.
So why don't you come over here
And rock baby.
Oh hold on to me tight, and keep wearin' them pants.
Cause I love you....

(Track 11 - Country/Western style)
These are not my pants.

I don't know whose they are.
They smell a lot like Bobby's
Cause he likes to fart.
These are not my pants.
How did they get here?
And I'm fillin up with fear
Cause these are not my pants.
Thank you, I'll be at the grand ol' opry tonite.

(Track 12 - Rock style)
WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

These are not my pants!
Whose pants are these anyways?
These are not my pants!
Whose pants are these anyways?
Are these Bobby's, or Timmy's, or Billy's pants?
No, NOOOO!!!!!
These are not my pants!

WOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!
BBBLLLLAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
GAAAAHHHHH!!!
Are you listening to what I say?

(Track 13 - Sorta Rap style)
Pants.

Don't a look at my pants.
Now I got my pants on.
An' I'm chillin, but they aren't my pants,
These are not my pants.
That's what I gotta say.
I ain't wearin' no pants.
I got Billy, Bobby, Jerry, Filly, Illy, Ooh, Chilly, mmmm pantsooh....little bit o' oooohhh
Hhmmmm ah my pants.
Whose pants are these?  They're not my pants.  They're not your pants.
They're not Billy's pants, or Bobby's, or Timmy's.  What's goin on? Whose pants? Ohhmmm (door)
That's what I'm tryin' to say, but yo don't step this way cause I got my pants on yeah.

(Track 14 - Inspirational Interlude style)
C'mon people now

This is the time to unite
A little revolution of the pants.
Right now is the time.
Now who hold the pants,
And whose are these pants?
Will we ever found the home for the pants?
C'mon now....unite a little revolution of the pants.
Yes...right now.

(Track 15 - Bert & Ernie style)
These are not my pants.

These are not my pants.
These are not my pants.
Bobby....BOBBY! Bobby's pants!
Woohoohoo!
These are not my....PANTS!

(Track 16 - Censored Rap style)
---Check one check ----

Uh, Yo! Bobby and Billy, You out ---- what's up?----
Yo me and Bobby we was walkin' down the----
And yo we didn't have nothin' to ----
But we had our pants on
But yo these ain't my pants
Uh, I get 'em off now-----
Um, tight, oh they so tight-----
------Ouch, ooie, ooie eee -----
Um, Billy, Timmy, ah, hello there.
Yeah....cause we in the street ----
Uh Talkin' bout the Bobbys and the Billys out there
And they tight pants on
Ya to loosen ------ loosen 'em up----- Know what I'm sayin'?
Wassup?
-----HUUUU HUUUUU ------WASSUUUU ------
Hey wassuuuu this is Bobby and Billy
-----uuuuuuuuuuu ------- --- --- --- --- wassuuuuu!!!
(too high-pitched to understand)


But maybe all those lyrics were too much for you?  Here is a seven minute YouTube video of The Pants Song.  (Warning: you might hate me after this, but it is appropriate for children of all ages.) 

(It was probably written by children of all ages.)

 
 
See?  Now do you see why I'm Sexy And I Know It was able to become a song that actually played on the radio?

It all makes sense now.

And maybe, just maybe, this post WAS all about my mental location these days. 

Hmm.  Deep...
Remember the March Challenge?  Yeah, let's just call it the May Challenge, shall we?

I let this post sit for days months because I couldn't figure out how to narrow my embarrassing moments down and pick just one.  Then I read my friend Donette's post, and realized I don't have to limit my embarrassment to just one moment. 

Lucky me.

Prepare to have my life flash before your eyes.

Moment #1:  Youth Group Picnic
The summer after sixth grade, I started attending youth group activities.  The first one was a parent/teen picnic.  My fellow formerly-sixth-grade friends and I filled our paper plates with food from the outdoor buffet line and boldly found empty chairs in the circle under a huge tree where all the "real" teens were sitting.  Our parents also filled their plates and found spots somewhere else where all the other parents were gathering to talk about how unbelievable it was for their darling children to be old enough for youth group already.  The heat and humidity were somewhat relieved in the shade created by the spreading branches of the giant tree over us, but I still sweatily wished for a cool breeze to start up as I picked up a ruffled potato chip and brought it to my mouth regretting that I had forgotten to scoop any dip onto my plate.  My friends, Kristin and April, sat beside me quietly nibbling their food, slightly intimidated like I was by the new group of teens we had joined. 

Just then, I felt a large bug smack into my forehead, right where my hairline started.  The impact must have startled me because at the same time I felt my paper plate jump in my hand, and I looked down to see if I had spilled any food.  I hadn't.  But I did notice a tablespoon-sized glob of chip dip on my plate, and I stared at it, not remembering putting it there.  Hesitantly, I used my half-eaten chip to scoop some up.  It was white with black specks.  Was it ranch dip?  French-onion?  I racked my brain trying to remember the various dips that had been on the buffet table so I could determine which kind I must have scooped onto my plate.  I raised the dip-laden chip to my lips, but my friend's high-pitched squeak stopped me.  She pointed with wide eyes to my forehead.  I set the chip carefully down on my plate, wiped the grease and salt from my fingers with a napkin, and gingerly touched the spot where I had earlier felt the bug hit my forehead.

My fingers encountered something wet and smooshy.  Gross!  I thought, Bug guts!  I pulled my hand away and inspected my fingers.  They were covered in chip dip.  The same dip that I had just contemplated on my plate.  How had I gotten dip in my hair?  I wondered.  Then horrified, I thought about which teen boys had been near me in the buffet line.  Had any of them seen me smear dip into my hair and walk around like that?  I was so embarrassed.

I set my plate down on my chair and rushed into the church bathroom.  The mirror showed me a massive glop of dip starting in my hair and running down my forehead.  I couldn't believe my friends hadn't pointed it out to me sooner! 

Then I realized.

That was no dip.

It was bird poop.

I remembered the tree.  I remembered the impact on my head.  I remembered the plate jump.  I had been pooped on.

AND HAD ALMOST EATEN IT.
flickr photo by Ferran Pastana

Can your embarrassing moment top that? 

(Because if it can, I have more moments to tell you about.  I'm just too tired to type them out right now.)
This is a post that has been rumbling around in my heart since the middle of February.  I started writing my February pregnancy posts with the intention of leading up to this post, then the March Challenge took over my blog, and since then I've been too sick to type.  However, if you'll bear with me, hopefully I'll come up with a few words that adequately communicate what is in my heart.  We'll see.

It all started in early September when I thought I had the flu.  I didn't.  I just had the world's worst pregnancy.  (Why yes, I do tend to exaggerate.  Why do you ask?)  After five months of vomiting (seriously, how many times can I fit that word into my blog posts lately, I wonder?) and general nausea and passing out and extreme weakness, along with all the crazy emotions I described working through in my February posts, all I wanted was to be able to enjoy being pregnant. 

One Sunday in February, I forced myself to get ready for church, knowing that it probably wasn't the smartest move on my part.  I mean, no one enjoys sitting in church wondering if the person behind them is going to upchuck into their hair.  But lying around the house wishing you were dead gets old after a while, and I needed to see the outside world.  So I stumbled around, shakily getting dressed.  Of course, the moment we were all ready to walk out, I began throwing up.  Daddy and the girls rushed to the car to avoid all the lovely noises, and I stood in the bathroom vomiting into the sink while feeling hot urine trickle down my right leg.  TMI?

While I stood there experiencing heave after heave after heave and fresh bursts of warm liquid on my leg each time, I became very angry.  Not just a little annoyed.  Not just mad.  Big Hot Anger.  You know, I had spent the last several months surrendering and making peace with all the living and dying my babies had been doing around me, and I was finally ready to fully embrace being pregnant and enjoy it to its fullest extent.  And here I was, five months into it with still nothing enjoyable about it. 

I stood there in the aftermath, shaking, wiping my mouth, legs spread wide over the damp bathroom rug and crying loud angry tears.  "God!  I'm finally happy about this pregnancy.  So why can't I just enjoy this good thing You have done for me?!"  I would have yelled if I'd had the energy.

Jeremy came in from the car while I leaned unsteadily against the shower wall, steaming water mixing with my tears and washing my skin.  "Are you okay?" he asked carefully. 

"No," I barely uttered, my throat hoarse from choking sobs.  "You guys should go to church without me."  They were already going to be late.

He silently picked up the pretty clothes that I had been wearing fifteen minutes before which were now angrily discarded all over the bathroom floor.  He took them and the now soiled rug by the bathroom sink to the laundry room and started a fresh load of laundry.  Then he returned to the muggy bathroom and said, "We'll wait for you."

I didn't have the energy to respond.  I continued crying in the shower, pouring out my frustration to my God Who already knew, Who already felt it all, Who already held me in His arms and cried with me. 

By the time I was ready again and dressed in a new outfit, my family had completely missed the first hour of church which for us is Sunday School.  We'd be there in time for the main service, though.  I still felt shaky, and Jeremy tried to get me to eat something.  I'd learned my lesson though -- I wasn't about to reenact the bathroom scene from earlier that morning!  I dully got into the car, pasted a smile on my face for Liberty and Mercy's sake, and we all headed to church.

Our pastor, Clare, asked us to open our Bibles to Exodus chapters 32 and 33 where the Israelites chose to make and worship a calf made out of gold instead of God.  God, of course, was angry, and told them that He was still going to give them the promised land with all its wonderfulness and blessings, but He was sick of them and would no longer go with them to the wonderfulness.  They could still have all the good -- just without God.

Then Clare asked us to think of the one thing we wanted most in the whole world.  Well, at that moment, that was very easy for me -- I just wanted to enjoy this pregnancy.  No more sickness, no more emotional crazy, no more weakness.  Just fun, and happiness.  After all, I'd already worked through the emotional crazy, all I needed was for God to take away the physical pathetic-ness that I had no control over.  Next Clare asked, "Would you be willing to trade God's daily presence in your life for this thing that you desire?"  He paused while we thought that question over.  At least, I think he paused.  I know I didn't hear anything more that he said after that because my heart turned that question over and over and kept coming to the same conclusion:  Yes!  I would trade God's presence for some physical strength and joyfulness in this pregnancy.  I would let go of God, if He would just give me relief from this constant nausea, vomiting, passing out, weakness.  If He would just give me the energy to enjoy the gestation of this longed-for baby, I would part ways with Him. 

I don't know how long I pondered that, but eventually I started talking to God about it.  Would You? Please, God?  I just want to enjoy this pregnancy.  I really, really do.  I'm so happy about the baby now.  Finally!  I want to enjoy being pregnant like I did with Liberty and Mercy.  I'll let go of You if You'll do this for me.

What a bargaining tool, right?  Offering God something that would break His heart in exchange for a temporary happiness that would end up breaking my heart?  I suddenly realized how sad God would be to let me go.  Especially after He'd gone to such lengths to establish a relationship with me.  He left Heaven.  Lived life on earth as a lowly human.  Suffered rejection, humiliation, and torture.  Took my sins into His own absolutely perfect body.  Separated Himself from His own trinity and holy nature to pay for my sins with His death.  Fought Satan and the grave to rise again!  And now that I've chosen to trust Him to cover my sins, He's declared me clean and forgiven without me having anything to do with it!  And since I'm clean now, He in His holiness can hang out with me all the time.  He did all that, suffered all that, just to hang out with me because He likes me!

What a slap in the face, that I would be willing to write all that off as insignificant so that I can have a nausea-free pregnancy.

Then I started thinking about my end of that bargain.  I thought about how God had surrounded me in the shower that morning while I cried and prayed.  About how He had loved me and cried with me and just been there.  I thought about the emptiness I'd feel inside without Him in my life.  I thought about who in the world would I smile and joke with when no one else was around and who would I marvel with when I felt the baby kick in the middle of the night while everyone else was asleep?  Sure, I'd feel great, but I'd also be so alone.

Alone.

The barrenness of going through the rest of my life with wonderful people by my side -- Jeremy, Liberty, Mercy, my family and friends -- but without God in me and around me at all times, felt so empty and lonely.  How would that possibly be worth the trade?

Nevermind!  I told God while I sat there in the church service.  I changed my mind!  And He and I laughed together inside at my foolishness. 

But you know what?  Something amazing happened because of all that.  I never have gotten better physically -- I still vomit usually more than once a day and feel miserable the rest of the day.  I still pass out sporadically.  I still get frustrated when I have to change my clothes at the last minute because I've soiled my current outfit -- but my appreciation of God's presence has drastically increased.  A few weeks ago, I came back to consciousness on the cold tiles of my kitchen floor, and my first thought was a happy exclamation of our inside joke, But You're still with me!

On days when my energy level has dropped so low that I can barely speak above a whisper, and people ask me innocently, "How are you feeling today?"  Inside I'm laughing joyfully, God is WITH me!  Outside, I nod, try to smile, and figure out the shortest truth I can muster past my un-cooperating lips.  Which is usually a naming of the countdown day.  (Today I have 41 days left till the baby is born.)  But underneath it all, there is constant VICTORIOUS JOY! 

I've learned to enjoy this pregnancy whole-heartedly even while vomiting into the closest sink.  It's not really something I can adequately describe to you, but it is certainly concrete and amazing.  What a wonderful gift -- GOD IS WITH ME! 

And I once thought about bargaining Him away from me.  Silly me!
So March is officially over, and I got to about 21 out of 31 possible posts in the month.  I am extremely proud of that record considering I only posted 13 times during the entire year of 2012.  Go me!  Besides, I decided years ago that if blogging were ever to stress me out, then I was doing it wrong.  When deciding to participate in the March Challenge, I determined ahead of time that I wouldn't stress over meeting the posting deadlines and instead enjoy the fun (and sometimes dreadful) topics listed.  I've had so much fun that now that March is over, I'm going to continue on with the topics as though it were still March.  Days 22 and 23 ask "What do you do when you're home alone?" and "Do you have a hobby?"

Well, I'm combining those topics because what I do when I'm home alone is usually also my hobby.  SLEEP!

No, not really.

Yes, really.  I do sleep frequently when I'm home alone, but that's just been these last seven and half months.  (ONLY 65 DAYS LEFT, YOU GUYS!!!)  Sleeping, however, is not my hobby.  (Although what a glorious hobby to have.  Yes?)

Cleaning is also not a hobby but still is something I usually do when I'm home alone.  How sad is that?

I used to read.  You know, back when my brain would stay awake and actually process the letters on the page into meaningful sentences.

However, (get to the point, Missy -- I can hear you saying it right now, Marcela!) my hobby is writing.  I haven't written any fiction recently (see crippled brain), but I have been blogging, and that revelation, ladies and gentlemen, is the information you wasted five minutes of your life reading this post for. 

Wasn't it worth it?
This post is totally creeping me out right now, you guys.  Day 21 of the March Challenge asks what my biggest fear is, and I have to tell you that before I started writing, I shivered a little knowing my subject matter.  Then I did a tiny itty bitty bit of research so that I could show you a picture and tell my story accurately, and I learned something tonight that has forever scarred me.

Ugh.

I don't know if I can continue.

Really.

I have to keep taking my fingers off the keyboard and fling my hands back and forth to rid my body of pent up creepiness.  This is not good.

I may as well plunge in and get it over with.  Hopefully, I'll be able to sleep tonight.

....

Oh, I can't do it!

....

Okay, I'm afraid of crickets.

There, I said it.  Had to stop and shake my hands.

You see, when I was in high school, my bedroom was in the basement.  The basement was finished, but when it rained, the carpet got damp.  The basement had crickets.  Not lots of them, but some.  Enough.  Too many!

They scared me because if I tried to step on them while wearing my school uniform, they would jump and there was always the potential that they might jump inside my skirt and be trapped closer to me.  That thought freaked me out.  Then there was the fact that crickets jump really, really high when they're scared.  Did you know that?  There is no way to predict the trajectory or height of their leap, and so there is no way to protect yourself when you don't know where they're headed next.

I used to beg my brother not to stomp at crickets when I was in the same room.

He never listened.

One Saturday

Sorry, had to stop and shake my hands.

One Saturday morning, I was sleeping peacefully on my pillow, when an unusually harsh chirping very close by nudged me out of deep sleep.  I wasn't all the way awake, but I wasn't all the way asleep anymore either.  My brain registered some strange movements on my face, and that combined with the different-than-normal chirp right at my ear drum brought me fully awake.

Oh, you guys, I can't do this!

It was terrible.  That realization that there was a cricket and possibly even TWO crickets ON MY FACE terrified me.  I couldn't even scream because they were right by my mouth.  I couldn't see them clearly, only a black blur from the slits I had allowed my eyes to open to.  I felt a strange zinging sensation in my upper lip about two centimeters to the left of center.  To this day, I cannot exactly describe it.  It was almost like a cold burning. 

I sat straight up in bed as soon as this processed in my brain.  One cricket fell or jumped away immediately, but the other stayed dangling from my lip, its four legs kicking wildly like it was stuck and couldn't get away.  Something physically snapped inside my brain.  I could feel it happen -- all that pressure building inside my head.  I started slapping crazily sideways at the cricket trying hard not to smash it into my mouth.  It just kept dangling and scrambling, swinging when I connected with it.
Cricket drawing by R.E. Snodgrass from Wikimedia in the public domain

Then along with the four distinct cold legs moving on my lips, I also felt a movement beneath the skin of my upper lip, as strange burning/numbing/tingling sensation spread in a small circle, and the cricket fell away and casually (I promise you!) casually walk-hopped off my bed.  I watched carefully as it departed, and I realized that long stick protruding from the back of its body must have been what I felt inserted into the skin on my lip.

With my mouth closed and still sitting straight up in bed, I screamed and screamed and screamed.  MMMMMM!!!!!   MMMMMMM!!!!!  MMMMMMM!!!!!!  I kicked my blankets violently off, stood on my bed and shook the pillow, the blankets, bent over and stripped the sheet off all while standing on my bed and screaming with my mouth closed.  My head pounded from the stress.  I kept checking the walls and the ceiling above and behind me for crickets trying to ambush me.  I watched the floor in case one wanted to jump back up on my bed, but my two bedmates had completely disappeared during my fit.

Finally, I jumped from the bed and ran with long leaping steps in order to minimize my contact with the floor out of the room and up the stairs to the kitchen where my family were all in the process of making or waiting for breakfast.  My lip still felt strange.  It didn't exactly sting, and it wasn't exactly numb.  It was a combination of those things plus something else I couldn't identify.  I was afraid to open my mouth, but when I finally did to tell my mom and brother what had happened, my words were all jumbled and my voice wouldn't stay in a regular pitch.

Of course, they thought I had just dreamed it all, but I had not.  I promise you every single little bit of this story is NOT a dream.  NOT made up.  NOT exaggerated.  Nothing!  It is the 100% truth, and I hate every bit of it.

I pointed to the spot on my lip that felt strange, and they examined it closely.  Nate and my mom thought maybe there might be a tiny hole, but they couldn't really tell.  My face was all red.  Well, yeah!  I checked the bathroom mirror and could not see anything unusual about my lip, but it definitely felt strange.  Unidentifiably so.

When I finally calmed down enough to tell the story completely, they still seemed unmoved.  Well, not exactly unmoved, my mom's lips kept twitching in smothered amusement and my brother started teasing me.  I was not in the mood.

And speaking of in the mood, I firmly believed that male cricket had been having sex with my lip.  Up until tonight for the past twenty years, I have believed that.  But tonight, I did a tiny bit of research like I mentioned in the beginning.  It turns out that long stick protruding from the back of that cricket is only located on a girl.  And it is called an OVIPOSITOR.

Now, I am not a student of bugs.  Nor am I a scholar of Latin or Greek or whatever language bugs' body parts are named in.  However, I recognize roots of words and prefixes and suffixes when I see them, so the designation ovipositor bothered me quite a bit.  I didn't really want to know, but I checked anyway.  I was right.

That mama cricket was inserting her baby eggs into my lip.

I'm not joking.

I wish I was.

Oh, I hate this story!

I hope Jeremy will massage all the stress out of my muscles when I go to bed tonight, or I'm going to be incredibly stiff in the morning.

And now you know my biggest fear.
Illustration by
Harrison Fisher
Day 20 of the March Challenge (I'm speeding right through these, now, huh?) asks me if I collect anything.  Well, the short answer is yes, I collect old books.  I have specific criteria, but it's too random and "you have to be here" for me to describe to you.

The more entertaining answer is this post from January 2007.
Since I'm behind in the March Challenge, I'm going to combine days 18 and 19 into one post.  Mainly because I don't have a whole lot to say about them.

Day 18's writing prompt is "Where are you the happiest?"  And my answer is very simple.  In the WARM SUNSHINE.

That is why some day I will live on the equator after Jeremy passes on to his eternal home.  (He wants to live in Antarctica if I pass first.)

Day 19's writing prompt is "Five blogs I read on a regular basis."  Well, regular might be pushing it a bit, but a few of the blogs I read when I have time are  *drum roll please*

Vitafamiliae by a lady I've never met but feel like I know

Femininely Conservative by one of my real life closest friends

Enjoying My Family by another real life great friend

Big Mama by the funniest girl on earth

Beth's By Grace by someone I have never met, but we know a lot of the same people (plus, we kind of ARE the same people, if you know what I mean)
Last night, I had the most vivid dream, and lucky you, you get to read all about it. 

Photo by DAVID ILIFF. License: CC-BY-SA 3.0

I was sitting on the floor of the Capitol Building late one evening surrounded by hundreds of senators and congressmen and women listening to President Obama give a speech.  One row behind me and a few chairs down on my right, sat two members of the President's cabinet.  Their slight fidgeting had caught my attention a few minutes earlier and with only a slight turn of my head, I could see the two of them clearly in my peripheral vision.  Their faces were twisted into a grimace of disgust, presumably at something the President had just said.  Then one man turned to the other and said, "That's enough.  We have to bump him off."

I couldn't believe my ears.  It seemed like they were discussing assassinating the president of the United States!  The rustling of the people around me and the ongoing speech of the President faded into oblivion as I strained to hear the conversation.  Bits and pieces that I caught only confirmed my guess that someone's life was in danger, but I couldn't determine whose.

After some cryptic sentences back and forth, the second man asked, "Okay, how?"

The first man responded, "Call O'Sullivan's.  They'll take care of it."

Man Two nodded once and left the meeting.

I sat, thinking over everything I had just heard and feeling like Mordecai.  What should I do with this information?  Somebody certainly was going to die if I said nothing, but what could I say?  I didn't know who was going to be killed, or how or when or where.  I knew nothing.  I didn't even know the names of the two men who had been plotting. 

I couldn't sit there any longer.  I had to do something.  I stood as casually as possible and climbed from the center of the row over legs and laps to the aisle.  I willed myself not to turn my head or make eye contact with Man One still sitting in the row behind me even though I wanted desperately to know if he was taking note of my departure.  I tried to look like I was simply heading to the restroom.  Question:  how does a sophisticated person look when they need to leave an important presidential speech to go to the bathroom?  Answer: they try to look like they do NOT need to pee terribly badly.  So, I tried to look like a person who had to pee but who was trying to hide it, but I didn't want to hide it so well and give the impression that I might be leaving for any other purpose besides relieving myself.  Tell me that's not a tricky act to put on.

The huge wooden doors closed soundlessly behind me shutting out the President's words and the general movement of the crowd.  I looked up and down the corridor and found Man Two about thirty paces ahead on my right.  I turned and followed him, trying to keep my high-heeled shoes from clicking on the richly tiled floor, and thinking frantically all the way.  I needed to get to where ever he was going before he got there, but I didn't know where he was going.  I needed to stop a murder, but I didn't know whose.  "God!" I began praying, "Help me!  Show me what to do!"

O'Sullivan's

The name echoed in my brain as I hurried to keep up with Man Two.

Who is O'Sullivan?  Correction: O'Sullivan's.  That makes it sound like a business of some sort.  Maybe a restaurant?  My brain quickly conjured an image of O'Reilly's from Return to Me, and Dean Martin music began playing in my head. 

At this point, the corridor took a sharp turn and office doorways opened up on either side.  Is O'Sullivan in one of these offices?  Is he or she someone employed in the Capitol Building?  Glimpses of rich mahogany desks, black telephones, and the backs of computer screens greeted my eyes as I glanced in every open door that I passed.  That's when a thick phone book resting on top of a desk caught my attention.  My steps stumbled, and I checked Man Two ahead.  He continued at his fast/casual pace, not noticing that anyone followed.  I turned into the office, grabbed the book from the desk, and returned to pursue.

The wall on my right changed to clear glass, and I saw that several flights of stairs reached down to the bottom floor.  Maybe I could get ahead of Man Two somehow by using the stairs.  I still didn't have any idea where he was heading, but taking the stairs seemed like a good thing to do for some reason.  I rushed to the glass door and entered the stairwell, running down the first flight.  That's when I realized that the glass walls surrounding the stairs did nothing to protect me from Man Two's sight if he noticed movement and looked my way.  What could I do?

Well, the only logical thing of course, would be to run in slow motion down those eight flights of stairs.  That way if Man Two did happen to look over, he would see someone who appeared to be moving very slowly, not in a hurry at all as someone intent on stopping a murder would be.  Yes, that made sense.  So I began running down the stairs in slow motion, wearing high-heels, while flipping quickly through the phone book looking for O'Sullivan's.  Talent, my friends, sheer talent.

At about the third floor mark, I found a listing for O'Sullivan's in the yellow pages.  It was a furniture store.  The address across town was too far to risk taking a cab and showing up in person.  Man Two might easily beat me there with DC traffic the way it would be at this hour.  I decided to call them.

But what would I say?  What if there is some secret code that not repeating would alert the person on the other end of the line?  What if I accidentally got the wrong person killed?

"God!  Guide my words!  Show me what to say!"

At the bottom of the stairs, a pay phone stood.  I rummaged in my skirt pocket for spare change, plunged it into the slot, and dialed the number listed in the book.

"Hello, O'Sullivan's.  How may I help you?" a pleasant-voiced young woman answered.

I cleared my throat and tried to sound confident.  "I'd like to place an order for the White House."

"Certainly," she replied.  "Lenny handles all of our White House orders.  I will connect you."

Lenny also sounded pleasant when he answered.  "Hello, this is Lenny.  How may I help you?"

"I need to place an order for the White House," I repeated, having no idea what I would say next.

"Okay.  Who do you want me to kill and with what furniture?" he asked brusquely.

I blinked.  I hadn't expected it to be this easy.  This meant that Lenny was one of the bad guys.  I finally had some solid information.  I knew that a man named Lenny who worked at O'Sullivan's could be turned in to the police. 

Then newspaper headlines from recent years began flashing in my memory.  Headlines describing accidental deaths of political figures like:  "John McCain was killed early this morning when his recently purchased grandfather clock fell on him."  So this furniture hit-man operation had been going on for some time now, I realized.  Well, there wasn't time to investigate all that.  I needed to stop this next murder from happening, but I still didn't know who the target was.

"Lenny, someone is on to us," I told him.  "We're not sure who, yet, but when we find out, they will be dealt with."  I tried to make my voice sound menacing and mad.  "All I can tell you is that you are about to receive a furniture delivery request, but don't believe it.  It is a trap!  However, I need you to play along and get all the information so we can track them down.  Once you have all the information, call me back so I can do more work from my end."

He obviously bought my whole story.  "Okay," he agreed, "what number do you want me to call you back on?"

Oops.  I hadn't thought of that.  I couldn't give him my cell number.  Up until now I had remained completely anonymous and that's the way I wanted to remain.  If I gave my cell number, I would easily be traced.  I also could not give him my email or facebook info for the same reasons.  I thought about giving him this pay phone number, but I wasn't sure I wanted to stand around waiting for a phone call since I didn't know when the hit request would come through to him.  I searched my mind frantically for a good idea.

And that's when Jeremy's alarm clock went off.
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The blogging prompt for day 16 of the March challenge (and yes, I do know it is now March 19th, but if I stop to play catch up, I'll never really catch up) asks me to tell you about my greatest accomplishment.  Well, in the thirty-three years that I have been alive, I have accomplished only two items that I consider great.

I should probably be sadder about that fact.

My first great accomplishment happened in high school.  Academics have always come easily for me, unlike sports, and I've never had to try very hard to memorize facts or to learn how things work.  I always received high grades in school without studying, to the chagrin of some of my friends.  These traits, as well as the fact that I am not in general a driven person have resulted in the sorry truth that I have rarely pushed myself to excellence.  I've rarely tried hard to do something hard for me.  I suppose that is why this particular accomplishment is one that I treasure.

Somewhere between 8th and 10th grade, I decided (quite contrary to my normal comfort-zone-oriented personality) to sign up for a state-wide school competition in the area of Dramatic Interpretation of Poetry.  My school participated in the state-wide competition every year with students competing in many different academic and artistic categories.  My friends had won awards in areas like Original Photography (Kristin, I'm remembering your mighty oak tree with it's unique perspective), and Amazing Artwork (I totally made that category up, but Drew's pointillism pictures totally WERE amazing, and he earned first prize year after year to prove it).  Anyway, most of the kids in my school had their own niches that they competed in each year, but I never did.  Of course, I participated in the choir competition, which we either took first place or placed highly in every year, but that wasn't something I had to work hard for or something that *I* myself earned. 

(On that note [haha], I do remember one year when I competed in a solo competition.  That was early on when I was naïve and optimistic -- must have been 7th or 8th grade.  When I performed my song in front of a live audience consisting mainly of concerned parents before we went to competition, I forgot the words, and ended up humming the entire second verse until the words to the chorus finally popped back into my mind.  And I distinctly remember realizing while in the middle of singing to the judges during the real competition that everyone in the room, including me, was wondering WHEN THIS SONG WOULD EVER END.  I never entered another solo competition.)

After a year or two of watching from the sidelines while my school-mates performed, I decided I needed to find something to compete in.  There must be something I might be good at.  Right?  Anything?  I examined every category possible, and realized they all would demand hard work from me.  That held no appeal.  But somewhere along the line, I got motivated to DO SOMETHING.  (It was a miracle.)

I don't remember how I picked the category of Dramatic Interpretation of Poetry, most likely some adult recommended that I try it, and my love of all things dramatic took over.  I remember pouring over photocopied poem after photocopied poem, rejecting them all because they were either too long to memorize or too complicated to read aloud or did not have a good storyline.  I'm all about the storyline -- always have been -- so that's why most poems got rejected.  Finally, the deadline arrived, and I had to choose one.  I don't even remember who was supplying me with photocopied poems to choose from.  Was it Mr. H, or Mr. S, or Mrs. B, or Mrs. F?  They were all teachers of mine at the time.  They must have been frustrated at my constant rejection of their suggestions.  On that last day when I was feeling the pressure of HAVING TO CHOOSE SOMETHING, one of the photocopied poems "Home Burial" by Robert Frost finally told a heart-wrenching enough story to delight my teenaged soul.  Although the length of it frightened me, I signed up to dramatically interpret it from memory at the statewide competition in a few months.

(If you follow the link above to read the poem itself, you will find that Mr. Frost wrote all about a husband and wife who were struggling to reconnect after their child died.  Definitely something a 14 year old could relate to.  [Sarcasm dripping.]  But, hey, it met the dramatic storyline qualification, which was my number one priority.)

In the beginning, I worked at memorizing, but without anyone to push me along, my motivation quickly plummeted, and my memorization stopped somewhere after the tenth line of the 120-line poem.  That's when Mrs. DeGeneste stepped in.  She had been my Sunday School teacher in sixth and seventh grade, but now that I was a few years past her class, she had appointed herself as sort of a mentor/friend/companion to me, and that I desperately needed. 

Seriously, Mrs. Stephanie DeGeneste needs to have a post all her own because she has made such an impact on my life, but that is a subject for another day.

I don't remember how Mrs. D. came to know about my poem, most likely I told her about it during one of our frequent talks, but somehow she decided to be my speaking coach.  She met with me about once a week and expected me to arrive with a certain number of lines memorized, and so I worked hard during the weeks so that I could meet or exceed her expectations.  Her opinion was very important to me.  When I finally had the poem fluently memorized, she drilled me hard on tone of voice, facial expressions, expressing different characters through body language, communicating with hand movements, etc.

The day of the competition arrived, and I looked at the list of students from all over the state who were scheduled to dramatically interpret.  The entire day was filled from 8:00 am to 3:15 pm in 15 minute time blocks!  That shocked me.  I assumed Dramatic Interpretation of Poetry would be one of those little-known categories with only five competitors signed up.  At least that way I'd be assured of a fifth-place finish.  I set such lofty goals for myself, you know.

My name filled the 2:15 time slot, and by lunchtime I felt so sick that I couldn't enjoy the nachos and cheese or the cheesy tator tots that all my friends flocked around at the concession stand.  My voice cracked during the choir competition due to my dry throat, and I ended up lip synching most of the last two stanzas of the song we were singing.  In the crowded hallway outside the Dramatic Interpretation competition room, I stood with my rear end against the cold concrete block wall, put my head between my knees, and begged God to let me pass out so I wouldn't have to walk into the room.  Mrs. DeGeneste, who had been unable to take time off work to travel to the competition, had assured me that she would be praying for me at this moment, and I knew she was asking God to calm my nerves and allow all my hard work to bear fruit. 

I just asked Him to keep me from vomiting in front of everyone when I stood up there.

The dark-haired boy who performed before me had a booming speaking voice and commanding arm gestures.  He was cute too, and I remember being slightly sad that I was too distracted to drool over him properly.  When he finished his poem, I couldn't stop myself from applauding whole-heartedly along with the rest of the standing-room-only crowd, and I felt like a traitor to myself.  But he truly had been so good!

The judges took their time marking their sheets and writing comments, but finally my name was called and I knew I had only five seconds to be on stage and introducing myself ahead of the interpretation.  My knees shook as I stumbled to the front of the room and turned to face the crowd.

I smiled at the judges and made eye contact with each one, just as friendly as can be like Mrs. DeGeneste had taught me, and I felt my spine strengthen and energy overflow in my bones.  "Hello!  My name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die."

(Not really.  I didn't really say that.  I just couldn't resist typing it.)

What I really said was, "Hello!  My name is Melissa (last name).  I represent (my school) located in (my city), and I will be performing 'Home Burial' by Robert Frost."

I took one infinitesimal step backwards to give me more room to move into the poem later on and dramatically dropped my head, arms at my sides, counted to five and then peered intently up at a 45 degree angle towards something ahead and above me.  "He saw her from the bottom of the stairs before she saw him. She was starting down, looking back over her shoulder at some fear..."

I remember holding back real tears when Amy cried, "Don't, don't, don't, don't!" and when she described, "Making the gravel leap and leap in air, leap up, like that, like that, and land so lightly..."  The whole scene unfolded in front of my eyes, and I was really there.  Really and truly THERE, in anguish with these two people who wanted to love, who wanted comfort, but couldn't get past their own interpretation of how the other should be grieving.

When the poem finally finished, my head sunk down towards my chest, my body relaxed back from the husband's tense forward-leaning posture, and my right leg returned from the threatening step outward it had automatically made and rejoined my left leg directly underneath me.  My arms dropped to my sides while I inhaled a simple, calming, five-count breath before I raised my head and made sedate eye-contact with the judges again. 

I waited, not quite realizing I was standing in a hot, crowded classroom filled with classmates, parents, and teens from schools around the state all staring at me.  I heard the applause dimly as my surroundings slowly came back to me and I watched carefully for body-language from the oh-so-stern-looking judges.  The sternest-looking one lowered her bi-focals and smiled at me in approval, but the other two remained with heads bowed over the judging sheets their pencils flying.  I knew I was to stand there until dismissed, and suddenly I felt a line of sweat trickle slowly down my backbone and into the elastic band on my underwear.

Finally, the small, gray-haired man in the center rumbled, "Thank you."

That was it? 

I hesitated just a tad before dipping my head in a nod at him and the others and confidently walking all the long way towards the very back of the large rectangular room pressing against hot bodies the whole way there.  My school group was somewhere in the center of the room, but I couldn't get my feet to stop walking.  I hit the back wall and turned left, walking along that wall until I reached the corner, then I turned left again now heading back towards the front of the room.  Finally, I came to a door on my right leading out into the corridor, and I slowly opened it being careful not to disturb the next performer as she squeaked out her introduction.  By that time, my brain had whirred to a halt enough that I knew I wanted to hear how my competition performed, but my body's autopilot had kicked in, and I just needed to get. out. of. that. room.

The air in the hallway felt fresher and cooler even though bodies lined the walls waiting for their turn to get into the competition room.  I pushed my way into a spot against the cold concrete blocks and leaned back letting the sweaty rivulets run freely where they might.  I'm sure the people on either side must have wished they could plug their noses.  I waited out there for the next ten minutes until the girl inside finished her poem and my school group could push their way out of the room while other groups tried to push their way into it.  Some adult handed me a water bottle and congratulated me on an excellent performance.  Other people came around and said nice things, too, but I just wanted to get to a restroom where I could strip down and towel off.  I smiled and said thank you over and over until we finally began moving down the hall towards our next designated spot to compete.

Later that afternoon, all the schools gathered in the gigantic auditorium for the awards ceremony.  My nervousness had completely subsided, and my stomach growled about the lunch and snacks I had foregone during the day.  Even though the rules clearly stated no food or drinks in the auditorium, someone in my group secretly passed out those packets of crackers and spreadable cheese dip that are attached to each other and come with a red plastic stick for spreading.  Rule-follower that I was, I dared to sneakily accept a packet and even open it and try to eat it surreptitiously while the speaker droned on and on before giving out first through fifth place awards in lo, those many categories.

I hadn't really thought about my chances of winning anything up until that time.  My goal had always been to-remember-all-the-words-and-to-not-throw-up-in-front-of-anyone, so when an hour or so later the time came to hand out awards in the Dramatic Interpretation of Poetry category, I simply watched as the fifth and fourth place people walked way up onto the high stage to accept their ribbons and the papers with the judges comments.  I wished with all my heart that I could have been in the room to hear their speeches and to see what they had done so wonderfully in order to get awarded.  I was very curious, but not at all jealous.  Third place was called, and he accepted his award. 

Then the announcer paused.  It was the small, gray-haired man who had been the center judge in the competition room, and he looked up from his notes.  "We have had a most unusual turn of events this year.  For the first time ever, our three judges could not agree on a clear winner.  After all the performances had been heard and evaluated, we had two students who clearly stood far above all the rest, but the three of us had a hard time choosing between the two.  I would like to call the following two people to the stage, please."  He called a boy's name first, and I watched as that same dark-haired boy who I had not been able to fully appreciate earlier step-step-stepped up the long stairs to the stage and stood by the man.  This time, I could fully appreciate the boy's gorgeousness, and I took time to melt into a little puddle in my heart.

Then I heard my name called.

I looked around, not quite sure why my name had come over the speaker system, and a few of my classmates nudged me to get up and go.  Ever the people-pleaser, I slowly lifted my bottom from the chair, still not sure why they wanted me to get up.  The judge called my name again, and I looked up at him startled.

Oh!  He wants me to go up there.

Oh.  OH!  That means...

No way.  That's not possible.

I stood and walked as quickly as I could to keep the auditorium full of people from waiting for me for so long, but I was careful to walk not so quickly that I looked ridiculous, and I climbed the stairs to the stage.  Then I had to stand next to that gorgeous boy.  He grinned at me in greeting before staring straight ahead into the crowd again, and I hope I smiled back.  I really have no idea.

The judge was speaking again.  "...finally decided.  Only a tenth of a point separated the two from first and second place.  And now I present the second place ribbon, which may as well have been the first place ribbon to...Melissa (last name)."

Well.

I smiled and stepped towards him to accept my ribbon and judges comment sheets, and I truly was grateful and humbled and amazed that I had won anything.  But seriously, why didn't they just skip the second place ribbon and give us both first place ribbons? I thought.  My usually dormant competitive side awoke as I picked my way down the stairs hoping not to fall flat on my face in front of everyone in the state and returned to my seat.

Back with my school, people leaned forward to pat my shoulders and congratulate me in whispers while the categories changed and announcers switched at the podium.  I leafed through the judges papers, wondering what they thought of my poem.  All three papers had a one-to-five scale in different categories on the first sheet, and then the following stapled sheets gave space to write comments about each of the categories.  All three judges rated fives for me in every category and proceeded to write things like "excellent," "amazing," "wonderful," in the comments sections.  Only one judge on one paper had written, "Could use more side to side movement when switching between characters."

What does that mean?  When I returned home, and met up with Mrs. DeGeneste, I asked her that question.  It means that when I was the man, I should have turned my body slightly towards the left, and when I was the woman, I should have turned by body slightly towards the right to differentiate between the characters.  I thought about that carefully, but then I realized my poem took place on a set of stairs.  Instead of turning right and left for my characters, I had tilted my head and my body up or down depending on who was speaking and where they were standing at the time.  I had even imitated taking a step up or down and raising or lowering my head level slightly at times.  I felt unfairly commented against, let me tell you.

But the truth is, it felt really good to know that I had earned second place in the entire state, and that I had worked HARD to do it.  (For maybe the first time in my academic career.)

(And it felt really bad to know that I had missed first place by a tenth of a point, when the judges couldn't even agree on that tenth.)

It also felt really good to earn my place beside that gorgeous boy who my brain is trying to name Tim for some reason.  I wonder if that was his name and I really am remembering that accurately?  If so, that should gain me a tenth of a point right there, because I guarantee you he wouldn't be able to accurately remember my name today if you asked him!

I hung that second place ribbon proudly in my room and vowed to earn first place next year.  I started flipping through poetry books at the local library in search of my next heart-wrenching tale.  But I never got another chance to compete against His Gorgeousness because the following year this happened.  Suddenly, first and second place ribbons didn't seem so important to me anymore, and I think my school may have even stopped attending those state competitions?  I don't remember ever going to one after that. 

However, the lesson I learned about how good it feels to work hard at something and be rewarded for it stuck with me enough so that when I am faced with a blog prompt asking about my greatest accomplishment, my brain instantly goes back to a time when I accidentally won second place for reciting a poem.