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4. Once all the bags are in place, your children will decide that sock skating is not all it's cracked up to be, and they want something else to do. After running through many, many suggestions that the little whiners veto because they've already done those things in the previous fifteen gray and dreary days, you will need to tell them that they have to come up with their own fun ideas.
5. Ignore the whining that ensues and continue calmly sorting clothing into stacks of winter and summer according to size.
6. When the whining finally subsides, do not think that it might be because your children are up to no good, instead, be thankful that they must have found something fun to do on their own.
7. Realize that peace and quiet never last this long in your house and become suspicious.
8. Upon investigation, find that the entire contents of your nicely folded and organized linen closet are now being used as a dam to prevent entry or exit from the master bedroom. Stand in silent shock as you survey the scene and wrestle with your emotions while you try to find an appropriate response. (This is a very important step. If you leave it out, you may not actually accomplish the losing of your mind which is the first part of our goal today.)
8. Upon investigation, find that the entire contents of your nicely folded and organized linen closet are now being used as a dam to prevent entry or exit from the master bedroom. Stand in silent shock as you survey the scene and wrestle with your emotions while you try to find an appropriate response. (This is a very important step. If you leave it out, you may not actually accomplish the losing of your mind which is the first part of our goal today.)
9. Interrupt your sorting to break up a fight over the helium balloons from the fair yesterday. Show your children how to balloon surf instead.
10. Acquiesce to the request to play Cooties, even though you know it will take your three year old a sweet forever to get all those tiny pieces back into the box again when the game is over. Anything to buy more time and get your sorting job done.
11. In order to facilitate the transition from summer clothing to winter clothing, ask your children to bring everything from their bedroom closet and dump it in a big pile in the living room.
This pile is the contents of three or four plastic bags full of clothing given to us, not the pile the girls created above. |
(That is not really what you requested, but this is how they will interpret your request, so you might as well just say it that way in the beginning.)
As motivation, tell your five year old that she can get the Twister game out when her task is accomplished. |
12. After an exhausting game of Twister your children will most likely want a snack to replenish their minisculey depleted energy levels. Don't fall for this! They do not need any more energy! |
Instead, feed your pet bunny rabbits a green pepper and the oldest carrots you can find in your refrigerator. (But make sure your floor is clean.)
13. When your bunnies have been fed, build a fort under the dining room table, hoping that they will stay there and not make any more messes so that you can finish sorting the masses of clothing that have taken over your living room.
14. Cross off "fort under table" from your list of ideas that might keep them busy. It does not. Instead, get out the Play Dough Cake-Making Kit from Aunt Jane. You know, the kit that ONLY comes out when you are at your wit's end because IT MAKES A HUGE MESS AND THE CHILDREN WAIL WHEN THEY HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP. [And by wail, I mean: the world has come to an end; woe is me for I am undone; accompanied by great gnashing of teeth. (And that's just me!)]
(I do not have any pictures of this fiasco because I believe it was at precisely this point in the day when my brain exploded inside my head.)
16. Produce a massive amount of tears when your spouse comes home from work. Make sure you babble like a complete idiot and go into the ugly cry. (Even though I did not get a picture of it, this is also a very important step.)
17. Breathe into a paper bag and listen from your quiet room while your spouse steps over and around the mess you've created in the living room, enforces clean up the table time with the children and makes supper. (Because he's a hero.)
18. Venture into the living room after the children are in bed and make it look like this. Acquire a deep sense of accomplishment.
Don't forget to make the dining room look beautiful also.
The bags on the left are to be given away. |
The stacks on the right are to go into storage bins downstairs. |
Don't forget to make the dining room look beautiful also.