Last year I accidentally had a garden.  My friend Trina gave me five tomato plants, and since I had nothing else to do with them, I collected a mound of dirt and planted them on the west side of my house.  To my surprise, and even despite my lack of faithful watering, they grew and produced yummy tomatoes.  I know they were yummy because I got to eat three of them.  VeeVee ate all the rest of them straight off the plants even though I tried hard on many occasions to put a stop to her buffet. 

This year, I decided to be brave and start a real garden.  On purpose. 

I had a gift card to Home Depot, so while the big girls were in school, I stowed all my stow-and-go minivan seating, and Vee and I drove to Home Depot where I thought long and hard over which supplies would be the best to create a couple raised garden beds.  I read all the claims on all the plastic bags and finally settled on some hollow gray cinder blocks to form the edges and some organic dirt with natural fertilizer to fill the beds. 

The nice, strong workers loaded my 25 cinder blocks and 16 giant bags of organic dirt into my van.  I then s-l-o-w-l-y and carefully maneuvered my new low-riding vehicle through town and out into the country to home.  In my driveway I realized I wouldn't have enough time to unload my new supplies before I needed to pick Liberty and Mercy up from school, so I s-l-o-w-l-y and carefully maneuvered my low-riding vehicle to school and waited in car line for my children.  They opened the van door and exclaimed in surprise, "Where are we going to sit, Mommy?"

Once they had situated themselves safely among the dirt bags, I s-l-o-w-l-y and carefully maneuvered my low-rider the short distance home.  But when I parked in the driveway, I once again realized I wouldn't have enough time to unload my new raised garden supplies before our chiropractor appointment.  I sighed, then s-l-o-w-l-y and carefully backed up and headed down the road again toward the office.

About halfway there, Liberty said, "Why am I all wet?"  And Mercy said, "Yeah, my knee is sitting in a puddle of water, Mommy."  That seemed odd to me because the bags of dirt had been dry when they were placed in the van.  I told them to resituate to dry spots.  "But there are no dry spots," Liberty replied.  "It's wet everywhere."

We parked and walked into the chiropractor's office.  Something smelled putrid in there, but I didn't mention it because that would have been rude.  After our appointment, we opened the van doors to head home, and a wave of terribleness smacked our noses with reality.  I discovered the putrid smell in the chiropractor's office had been us.  Oops! 

The girls complained, "Do we have to ride home in that?  It smells terrible!"  It was too far to walk, and I had nothing with which to start a car fire, so we rode home doing our best not to breathe.

Finally at home, I removed the offending bags of dirt and cinder blocks and created two new garden beds.  Then I vacuumed the sopping wet van floor and left every door open to air the smell out.  That night, I pulled the van into the garage and closed all the doors.  The next morning, our neighbor arrived to carpool to school with us, but the van stunk so badly that Jeremy had to take the three girls in his car.  We left the van out in the driveway again all that day to air out, but by evening, the smell had not dissipated in the slightest.  After we tucked our kids into bed, Jeremy and I spent a few hours scrubbing the van carpets with a special deodorizing carpet spray.  We left the van open in the driveway all night to air out, but in the morning, Jeremy had to take the girls to school in his car again.  The next afternoon, Jeremy and I vigorously rescrubbed, and a neighbor let us borrow their steam vac and pretty smelling detergent.  The van again spent two nights and a day wide open in the driveway.  But the gorgeous sunshine and strong breezes did nothing to remove the odor. 

In desperation, Jeremy searched our local auto store for some kind of solution.  He came home with two car bombs.  That's what they were called.  They said they would get rid of any vehicle odor, any time, any where.  I read the instructions out loud.  "Seal all the vehicle doors and windows, allow the vehicle to run with the air conditioner on full blast.  Set the bomb inside the vehicle and do not disturb for one hour.  DO NOT OPEN ANY DOORS OR WINDOWS DURING THIS TIME!  DO NOT COME CLOSE ENOUGH TO INHALE ANY FUMES FROM OUTSIDE THE VEHICLE!  **Note to doctor:  This vapor causes heart palpitations and myocardial infarctions.  Normal treatments for these conditions will make it worse.  Please be aware the patient has used this product."

Now, I don't know about you, but that doctor warning put the fear of God into me.  "Let's just see what another few days can do," I suggested, but Jeremy has a death wish, and he would hear none of my cautionary ideas.  He parked the van in the driveway, sealed all the doors and windows, turned the air conditioner on full blast, and set not one, but two bombs at once inside my van.  Then we ran for our lives.  THREE hours later, we ventured closer to the vehicle, hoping it would be safe.  A sweet smell rolled over us from twenty feet away.  "Stay back," Jeremy warned me, and he bravely put his life on the line and opened my van door. 

"Whew.  That smells...good," I hoped out loud.

Yes, it definitely smelled good.  It smelled so good that we had to leave the van out in the driveway to air out for another two days and nights.

That was a month ago, and when you open the garage door in the mornings, our garage still smells sweetly beautiful.