I have to be honest with you and tell you that I am seriously struggling to enjoy life right now. I am not complaining, please don't get me wrong. It's just very hard to smile when problem after problem after problem comes. I do find the humor in some things. I do grip tightly to my God (Who is AWESOME!), but after a while, I feel like saying, "God, give us a break, already."

There are other situations going on in our lives that I do not feel appropriate to share on the blog, and those situations seem to be the ones causing me the most discomfort. But let's be realistic -- taking inventory: I am not being tortured or beaten. I get to sleep in a nice, warm, safe bed every night. There are no rats or roaches scurrying about. I am blessed way beyond measure, and for that I am so thankful.

I called my mom last night, and I asked, "When did my life get so hard? I used to flit about, dancing and singing, oblivious to real struggle even though struggle was all around me, but now I feel draggy and worn. I see nothing but a future full of more struggle. Maybe different ones, but always there, and I don't want to go there."

We started talking about Heaven and how burdens will be gone; light-heartedness will be constant, and we yearned to enjoy our future today.

Then I remembered a CD that I have been listening to. It belongs to my friend Caleb (hi, Caleb!) and it is the testimony of a man who was a POW at the "Hanoi Hilton" prison camp in Vietnam. He said something that really grabbed my attention.

He talked about the torture and the starvation and the loneliness, and he said that to block it all out he was spending most of his days dreaming about getting out and the happy times he would spend with his family. Then he and his roommate decided that they would be better off mentally if they focused on being the very best American soldiers and men that they could be right where they were. They kept the hope of getting out, but they determined to "live in the moment," as he called it, as though they would never be released.

That is what I am called to do. Yes, I long for Heaven. Yes, I know it will be wonderful, and all my troubles will be over, but I'm not there yet. I'm here, and I am called to be the best Missy I can possibly be. Right here. Right now. (Is that a slogan? I'm thinking Burger King or something like that? Oh, that must be "Your way, right away.")

Anyway, fast food or not, I need to live in the moment. So what can I do to make this moment my best moment for God's glory? What patterns do I need to change? Determination fills my soul to enjoy my life, including the struggles. After all, who wants to be a princess locked away in a tower where all you can see is sunshine and birds? I want to LIVE! Facing the dragons. Moment by moment.

And at this moment, I am starving!

Maybe I'll find some Burger King...