This morning, I totally thrashed my babysitter's son and his friend in a knock-down, drag-out, no holds barred snowball fight with the help of my new van -- with whom I have finally bonded.

Liberty and I pulled into Chris's driveway early this morning. Since there was a two-hour delay for school, her eleven year old son Blake and his friend were in the driveway pretending to shovel. I innocently turned the engine off as usual and pushed the button that opens Liberty's sliding side door, the one facing the boys so that she could enjoy the ensuing hilarity. Then I climbed out of the driver's side of the van, conveniently placing the van between me and the boys. Without catching their attention, I quietly collected several snowballs on the ground on my side of the van, then with an Indian war whoop, I began pelting them with the missiles.

Blake and his friend looked up in surprise but quickly retaliated. One boy made snowballs while the other searched for me. After a few seconds, Blake asked, "Where is she?"

"Hiding!" I taunted from my spot behind the van. I used the rear tire to cover my feet and the tinted windows to disguise my shoulders and head. Then I tossed a larger chunk of snow over the roof of the van. It hit squarely on target, covering both of the boys in powdery white. They yelped, and I heard Liberty laugh from inside the van. What a wonderful sound!

I felt fairly safe, until they charged me! They both came running around the back end of the van. I screamed and took off running around the front. I took a hit, and in my retreat, quickly searched the ground for a pre-made ball of fluff. I found two and scooped them up on the run, tossing them quickly over my shoulder at the boys. One found it's mark, but the other fell short. While the boys stopped to find more missiles, I found a snowbank and took advantage of it's possibilities. More balls and better coverage. Those kids didn't stand a chance.

From my new vantage point, I could see Liberty's face. She thoroughly enjoyed our fight, and I know she wished she were part of it. Every time a ball hit, she would squeal with delight. After a few minutes, I knew I needed to quit so I could be at work on time. I leaped from my spot, pelting the enemy with as many balls as I could carry. I rushed to Liberty's side, and unbuckled her, taking MANY hits in the back from those cowards! Liberty laughed the entire time. We raced to the front porch together, Liberty bouncing in my arms, and entered the safety of the front door.

Chris and I calmly chatted while de-coating Liberty and petting the dog. But all the while I was plotting my escape route. I knew the boys would be waiting for me outside, so I deliberately took longer than usual. When I finally guessed that they would have lost interest, I quietly slipped out the front door, and tiptoed to the driver's door on my van. They were standing at the end of the driveway, their backs to me, discussing something tactical, I'm sure. From my fort behind the van, I made several more snowballs, trying to judge my time wisely. As I bent down to make one last snowball, I heard Blake's voice, "THERE SHE IS!!!!" He hissed the words "quietly" to his partner. I heard quick scraping sounds as they drew closer, and knew they were planning an ambush. I had to beat them to it. So far, they did not know how long I had been out there, and they did not know that I had been occupying myself creating ammo.

Holding the hem of my coat with one hand, I used the other hand to dump all my ammo into the concave loading zone. Then with my good throwing arm, I lofted ball after ball into the air over the roof of the van. Through the windows, I could see many of them hitting their targets. Blake and his friend rushed toward a huge hill of snowballs that they must have been making while I was inside, but they were too late. I finished off my final rounds, and hurriedly hopped into my van. Gleefully chuckling at their inability to reach me, I started the engine, and put her into reverse. By this time, the boys realized their impending loss, and began hurtling balls into the side of the van. Thankfully, the balls exploded softly into harmless white powder on contact, so Abbie was not hurt. I backed out of the driveway and rolled my window down once I was in the street. Grinning triumphantly, I stuck my green-gloved hand out of Abbie's window and lazily waved at the boys as I drove down the street.

I'm going to have to drive a tank back to Chris's house this afternoon when I pick up Liberty. They'll be waiting for me.