This is a little personal...well, maybe a lot personal, and I'm not sure about sharing it. But, I thought it might be helpful to someone. An excerpt from my prayer journal:

God, I have been wallowing in something close to depression, and I don't know why. The winter blues? A lack of sleep? Impatience about a home? Poor diet? Whatever is causing it, will You please show me how to avoid it?

Also, the Truth is: my emotions do not have to follow my circumstances. My emotions should follow You, my stable, unchanging God. So how can they do that? First, I need to know where You are and Who You are. That can be found in Your Word. Next, I need to see reality instead of my perceptions.

Reality - What my life is really like:
1. I am a friend of God, rescued from Hell and on my way to Heaven!
2. I am married to an amazingly understanding and godly man who loves me exclusively and thinks I'm pretty and wonderful.
3. I am the mom of two fun, special, loving, little girls who also think very highly of me (at least for now).
4. I am comfortable, healthy, taken care of, and I need to be thankful.

I think I have forgotten my purpose, and that is causing my discouragement. So what is my one main purpose? POINT TO GOD.

How can I fulfill that purpose on a daily basis?
1. Have a plan for the day and carry it out.
2. Teach my girls about life.
3. Eat right, not whatever I happen to be craving at the time.
4. Exercise daily, not whenever I feel like it.
5. Memorize Scripture so that my mind dwells on Truth instead of feelings.
6. Pray purposefully for a deeper relationship with God, and for others' needs.
6. Take note of what gets accomplished. (So that at the end of the day, even if the living room is completely trashed, I can say to myself, this room has been totally cleaned three times today. I don't need to feel like a failure because of its current state.)

So.

Today is day one of me being in charge of my emotions instead of my emotions being in charge of me. It has been purposeful and refreshing. Thanks to God!

I went to bed very early last night to catch up on sleep. I woke up before the girls and spent some time with God. I made a list of specific items I wanted to get done today. At breakfast time, although I was not hungry, I forced myself to eat a banana. At snack time, although I wanted something else, I chose to eat 20 blueberries. At lunch time, although, again I wanted something else, I chose to eat leftover tilapia, peas and potatoes. I worked on memorizing the next section of Ephesians chapter four, and Liberty heard me quoting it to myself and announced, "Mommy, I'm going to say Romans 3:23!" She proceeded to say it word perfectly, then we worked on Romans 6:23 together until she told me firmly, "Mommy, I think that's enough for today." And that was that. I followed along with my palates video and even survived a kamikaze Mercy Jane attack when she jumped off of the rocking chair and onto my tummy, giggling maniacally the entire time.

There has been no sunshine today. AGAIN. And I will not be able to accomplish all of the items on my to do list today, but I have chosen to be thankful for my blessings and let God control my emotions. Hooray!