I haven't written lately for two reasons.  One, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of time in my normal day to write, and two, I've been very discouraged.  

Mercy and VeeVee came home with colds, and we have had to keep them away from Liberty which hurt their hearts and hurt our hearts, too.  Liberty is still in pain and struggling to do normal daily activities.  She begged to spectate at the choir concert Sunday afternoon that she was supposed to have been singing in, but just sitting through the concert was too much for her.  She had to leave halfway through.  That night she asked me if she would ever get back to being able to live regular life again, and I was so discouraged I couldn't really answer her.

Little things are throwing me for a loop.  I can't find several items since our month away, and I found myself yesterday morning wanting to throw a fit like a little child over it.  The intensity of my reaction to this annoyance surprised me, and even after recognizing my own ridiculousness, I still couldn't shake the overwhelming desire to throw a fit.  At first I counter-acted this feeling by speaking praise out loud to God.  But the praise was weak and half-hearted.  So then I asked God for help, and I played some praise songs that never fail to help me out.  I was able to sing them with my whole heart, a reiteration of God's goodness and my choice to trust and follow Him always, but even that didn't calm the storm inside my soul.

Last night, I got to chat on the phone with Jeremy's dad, and he helped cheer me with a pep talk full of determination and reminders that healing takes patience.  He did help me feel better, but still the internal ickiness lingered.

This morning I asked God to prompt people to pray for me.  At this point, I couldn't even pinpoint what exactly my trouble was.  A general feeling of tiredness, gloominess, sadness.  Gray sky syndrome, maybe.  What if I could just get some time totally to myself?  Would that help out?  I feel like I just can't go anymore.  Then all day today, I've been receiving texts and messages from friends "just checking on me."  Thank You, God.  I knew He was asking them to pray.  But still, I felt the same.

Tonight, I met with some friends who prayed for me, and later Jeremy and I hung out with some more friends.  In the process of catching them up on the past month, I realized the trouble.  A spirit of despondency had taken over me.  I've posted here before about the BIG PRAYERS that God gave Liberty and me in the very beginning, and I have been feeling discouraged because there is one final piece that has been addressed, but it has not yet been changed at the hospital.  I've been feeling like that one thing was an impossibility, and maybe we would need to resort to more drastic measures ourselves that I dread going through.  But tonight, as Jeremy and I recounted all the bad of the past month and then all the goodness of God in the land of the LIVING, that despondency fell away!  

While ticking off on my fingers the changes God has already set in motion out of all those BIG PRAYERS, I received once again assurance that GOD is not done doing BIG THINGS.  He intended it from the very beginning, and He is not going to walk away from an incomplete job.  He is still using us, and just like healing takes patience, sometimes waiting on God to finish what He starts takes patience.  

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion in the day of Christ Jesus!"

Patience is quite possibly my hardest character trait.  Well, maybe my second hardest.  But it is right up there, let me tell you!  But now I can wait again with patience and eagerness for God's finished answer to be handed out for the good of all future kids!

Jeremy and I have another meeting with the hospital on Monday.  Please pray for God's work to be accomplished, and my desire is that God won't ask us to go through more drastic measures, that He will just do it completely on His own.  Will you please pray with us?