Last month, leading up to Liberty’s original heart procedure, I had wondered if I was supposed to ask for miraculous healing in advance, and eventually I did.  Two nights before her surgery, I was talking to God about it, and I could feel two answered options in front of me.  One was the answered yes to Liberty’s miraculous healing request.  The other was the answered yes to the BIG PRAYERS God had originally stirred in both Liberty and me back in Dr. C’s office the day we discovered her right aorta wrapping her esophagus.  

Some of those BIG PRAYERS were for the entire hospital system itself to be corrected to “save much people alive.”  Some of those prayers were for the doctors, nurses, and staff to be set free from spiritual bondage or strongly encouraged to be bold in their walk with God.  Some of those prayers were for patients to be set free from harmful practices and allowed to be healed in the name of Jesus.  (I want to clarify that I did not have a bad opinion of this hospital, although it sounds like I did.)  Obviously, we did not know any systems, staff, or patients yet, and we did not know specific requests to ask, but God miraculously poured faces and needs into our minds, and so we prayed.  And in that prayer, we surrendered to be used any way God had for us.

Back to two nights before heart surgery.  I was praying, and I realized God had two open hands before me with two completed answers to prayer.  But I could only have one.  Either Liberty could be miraculously healed ahead of surgery, or we could have our BIG PRAYERS answered.  God had no judgement for me attached to either request.  He wanted to do SOMETHING BIG at the hospital with or without us; He was just offering to let us be part of it if we wanted.

I wrestled.

Eventually, I reluctantly told God I wanted to be part of the BIG PRAYERS answered instead.  The deciding factor was that God had so miraculously given those BIG PRAYERS; they had not come from me or Liberty.  I felt like a terrible Mom, and I felt like I should get permission from Liberty before making a choice like that.  So the next day I sat down with Li to chat.  As usual, she spoke first.

“Mom, I think I have to not be healed in advance.”

“What?  Why?”

“Because if I am, I don’t think the BIG PRAYERS can happen.”

“Hmm.  Why do you think that?”

She hesitated.  “It’s just something I know.”

“Are you okay with that?” I was curious.

“Mostly.  Kind of.”  Then she flashed a brilliant smile at me.  “Yes!”

When we were discharged after two days I was surprised, and I felt like we were not finished being used by God.  It was not surprising that Liberty ended up being sent back, no matter how awful I felt about it.  I even had a panic attack when she was life flighted.  Several, actually.  God sent a lab tech named Brandie to pray with us and speak Truth in the first emergency room before L was life flighted during my first panic attack, and He sent my neighbor and his dog to help me through the second one while our car was being packed for our return trip, because God is just good like that.  Jeremy helped me through the third on the drive down and the fourth after we arrived.  And then God took over and gave me Great Peace that passes all understanding.

During our first visit several things had happened that needed to be addressed, and on our return, God immediately gave us meetings with people who could address those issues and introduce system changes.  They took our concerns seriously, and began those process changes.  

But systemic change, especially in a big institution with poor internal communication is a slow thing.  We saw some immediate small things, but very little true change at first, and we encountered repeated problems that should not have ever happened.

Regarding staff and patients who we had prayed in advance for, God has done many, many things.  I’ve had the ability to pray with and for multiple people here.  Many amazing conversations have been had.  I haven’t blogged about any of them because most are personal and private between that person and God.  A lot of what God has done I only know about through faith because God has told both Liberty and me after this or that wonderful encounter that He has just used it for that person’s ongoing future and the future lives touched by that person.  Other things I know a tad about because people have been coming and telling me afterwards how God has impacted them.  Those are encouraging conversations, but on the surface none of this has felt very big.  Not like what God had put in our hearts to pray beforehand.

This morning, I told God I felt discouraged about Liberty’s health and discouraged at the lack of evidence of Him making any BIG difference here through us, and I asked Him to show me evidence of what He had going on behind the scenes, please.

Today, I encountered a serious problem for the third time this week after being assured last week that the patient safety protocols had been addressed in a certain department and in the computer system.  I took bold action and addressed it myself, bypassing all protocol and risking however they discipline unruly parents.  (Assuming they must have an unruly parent protocol in place.)  Thankfully, God had orchestrated it so that my actions and conversation were witnessed by people who had the authority to make things move.

Tonight three separate things happened that show me the huge, rusty, inactive gears are beginning to grind into something better for all patients.  That is all I needed to see.  God can do all the rest incognito.  I just wanted to SEE with my physical eyes that He was truly up to something big inside this building.

That is something you can pray with us for.  To save much people alive. 😊