Mornings always start between 4 and 5 am with a chest X-Ray to check on Liberty’s fluid level.  The x-ray technician sneaked into our room this morning and went straight to the counter by the sink to fill out her thankful strip.  That cracked me up and encouraged me at the same time because she did not know that anyone was awake in our room.  That meant she did it solely because she wanted to which tells me it was doing something happy inside her, so that made me happy as well.  I got up to help her maneuver my sleeping Liberty into position, and she whispered her thankful to me.  Then she said, “You can’t see it through my mask, but I am smiling, and I’ll keep right on smiling when I leave here! (Rule 4) I love this thankful chain idea!”  How that made my heart sing!

Between 5 and 8ish a.m. I generally lie awake praying and wishing I were asleep and telling myself not to accidentally fall back asleep too soundly and miss my opportunity to get dressed and presentable before the day shift nurse comes in and the doctors start making their slightly unpredictable rounds.  I do this every single morning.  You’d think I’d have invented a better routine by now.

Eventually I give up on getting any more sleep and give myself a sponge bath at the bathroom sink then change into clean clothes and stuff my dirty clothes into a bag to be washed later.  There is a laundry room on the sixth floor.  Brush teeth and hair, fill my water bottle, spend time with God.  I’m reading Acts right now which is hugely encouraging!

Then in come the day shift nurse for introductions and night shift nurse for goodbyes, and eventually the doctors make their rounds as well.  Lately there haven’t been any big developments.  Just more waiting instructions.  Liberty’s embolization is scheduled for Monday afternoon, November 29th.  It is a procedure that has never been done here, and I would like you all to pray hard about this.  Pray however God leads you.

I order breakfast for myself and prepare breakfast for Liberty.  They are trying to dry up her lymphatic system which runs on fats, so she is on a low fat diet - less than 10 grams of fat per day.  Yesterday I told you she had lost 11 pounds and gained 3/4ths of a pound.  Well today she has lost that 3/4ths plus more.  That was discouraging.  She is losing her ability to think clearly, see clearly, and hold herself upright.  Please keep praying for her. 

I try to let Liberty sleep as late as possible for two reasons: sleep is good for her, and there isn’t much else to do.  But I don’t want to risk her getting discouraged by inactivity and just sleeping all day long, so I usually wake her up around 8:30 to 9:30 a.m. I wake her slowly by turning the lights on and opening the window curtains and turning her bedtime music off.  Around this time, my breakfast gets delivered, so there is a little noise while I chat with the tray delivery person about their link on the thankful chain.  That frequently gets turned into a bigger conversation than just the chain.  Then I eat my breakfast while Liberty groggily comes to, and the day nurse comes in to do vitals on her own and establish her baseline for the day.  Liberty chats with that person and gets helped to the bathroom.

Once she is settled into a good spot back in the room, I bring her her breakfast and try to get her to eat.  Eventually, we get her up and take her first walk.  She is very unsteady, so it takes two of us to keep her upright and cart all of her attachments as well.  The last two days she has been energetic and wanting to “go fast,” but her energy only lasts in spurts.  This morning she did three long rounds and wanted to do more, but our nurse didn’t have the time to keep going.

We tucked her safely into a reclining chair where she sat while person after person after person came in for one reason or another to talk about various procedures.  

Daddy arrived with my suitcase and weekend supplies. He and Grandpa and Grandma were leaving to see Mercy and VeeVee who have been feeling very homesick recently.  We already knew one of us needed to go see the girls, and when their aunt and uncle said the same thing on the phone, we worked to make it happen quickly.  We discussed all kinds of arrangements and eventually hugged a long goodbye.  It feels empty here without Jeremy nearby.

I prepared lunch for Liberty and even though she liked it, I still had to coax her to keep eating.  She doesn’t have enough energy to sustain eating.

Another bathroom break.  Bathroom breaks are ordeals because first you have to call the nurse and then wait until someone is available.  Then it takes fifteen minutes to get all Liberty’s attachments unattached and her up and to the bathroom.  Liberty moves very slowly nowadays.  Then there’s the time in the bathroom, and another 15 minutes getting her back where she belongs and resettled.

…

I have tried for two days to write a post.  Any post.  And this is the one that I started on Friday, but Friday was a day of discouragement.  I was being poked by the spirit of "What If?" and I wasn't remembering to trust what God has already revealed to me.  So my writing ability had dried up.

Thankfully, when I cried out to God for help late Friday evening, He pointed me towards a friend who was able to repeat to me exactly what He has been saying since the beginning of November.  What a relief!  I was able to return to my job with peace and a smile.